Thursday, September 3, 2009

Finding My Voice

Yesterday I sat down to write a blog and found I had nothing to say. Or at least nothing I wanted to share online. I think this goes along with my not telling every personal detail to all of my coworkers- like I used to. I am learning the importance of keeping personal things personal, and am proud of it. I think it's a sign of my growing maturity.

Having a family is changing me, changing my priorities. I keep telling Eric I'm an old person now: I want to sit at a concert; I get mad at people who play their music too loud; I like watching Antiques Roadshow on PBS; I prefer classical music or classic books on cd to the pop stations; etc. I feel much older than I am, along with younger too. Still getting used to this whole "being a responsible adult" thing.

School is starting again. And, again, I am not a student. I want so badly to go to college, to study, to be educated. I want to study literature, linguistics, anthropology. A year or two ago, I started to feel discouraged, like it was already too late for me to go. But now I realize that's not the case. It's okay if I'm older than most freshman. I don't care about that any more. I just crave education now to the point where I know I will work hard, study, do my homework. I want it. This wasn't the case when I graduated high school, and I do still stand by my decision not to go immediately. But now... Now I want it. It'll be a few more years; when Caleb goes to school, so will I. Until then, I've started reading (or listening to in the car, in lieu of the radio) to all the classics in literature I never had the discipline to read before. Catcher in the Rye, Persuasion, Moby Dick, My Antonia... The list goes on.

Well, time to start the day; Caleb is waking up.

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