Friday, January 22, 2010

Too little time...

Within the two-hour confine of Caleb's nap time, every day, I attempt the following:

>Work out. At least 20 minutes. (Wii Fit, Skinny Bitch, American Ballet Workout, or Yoga)
>Read books. For my own pleasure, for Bible study, or for book club.
>Bible study. For my other Bible study.
>Check internet things. Email, blogs, facebook, etc.
>Shower or bath.
>Start making dinner.
>Watch non Caleb-appropriate tv show or movie. Depending on what I've checked out at the Library or am currently addicted to. This month it's been Gossip Girl season 2, my guiltiest pleasure.
>Write. Either in my paper journal or this blog. Usually neither gets done though.

There's just too little time.

But I do plan on making more of an effort when it comes to writing. I don't know what I have to write about that hasn't been written by entirely better writers before. I don't have new thoughts to think, new wisdom to share. I do know that if I'm not writing daily, my thoughts get all mixed up and crazy, and I can't think as well. Feelings get bottled up, and if I don't get them down on paper, they are likely to eat me up from the inside out.

I realized a few weeks ago, while looking through my shelves of journals, that I have been writing ever since I was first able. My very first diary is from when I was five-years-old, in kindergarten. From then on, I have an almost constant account of my thoughts and feelings. And while there are some gaps, I also realized those gaps, the times when I wasn't writing, are the darkest periods of my life.

Ergo, I must keep writing if I want to keep my sanity. I've started reading Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg, and it's proving itself an incredibly motivating and inspiring aid.

So, we'll see how it goes.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Doing something about it

To combat those gloomy clouds I've begun taking Vitamin D every morning. It's too soon to tell if it's making an impact on my moods, so we'll see in the next few weeks. I have high hopes though.

I've been working out a little more consistently as another response to my gloom and apathy. This is making a difference. As long as I pull out Wii Fit to at least do a daily fitness test, I'll most likely keep going for a while, sometimes up to an hour. This combined with the Skinny Bitch dvd's (which I've been neglecting for a while, but have restarted this week) and dance class, I'm sure I'll be seeing the results I want in no time. That, and Eric came up with an incentive for me: a new pair of shoes for every 15 pounds I lose. And what an incentive it is! Since my feet grew three sizes when I was pregnant, and have since gone down only one size, my shoe collection is pretty small and sad. So with this to motivate me, I am feeling, well, motivated.

Today is a good day, and I'm feeling upbeat and happy. It's a nice change from the self-loathing and apathy I felt all weekend. Hopefully this sticks!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

How about the weather?

There is something to be said about how profoundly I am affected by the weather. Days, weeks like these unbearably cold and cloudy ones eliminate any drive or ambition I may have. I just want to stay snuggled under the covers and sleep it away. Ususally I end up snuggled under a blanket on the couch watching Sesame Street and Clifford, then switching to a musical or Disney movie, anything Caleb-appropriate.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of winter. Bring me back the sun and my motivation. I'm so tired of the gloomy clouds.

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