Tuesday, April 20, 2010


Yesterday was quite the crazy day... At work, we had inventory, and I was one of the select few who was able to go in at 4:00am. Honestly, I was excited to participate. RPLing (finding books on the shelf from a list, then returning them to the publisher) is my favorite thing to do at work, and it was even better doing it for several hours without interruption. Aside for the ridiculously early hour, I was in work heaven.

Needless to say, it's thrown off my sense of time. I don't usually work during the week, so my brain was convinced it was a regular Saturday. And by the time we went to bed, I was in that delirious-tired stage where everything is funny- even knock-knock jokes. I slept like a rock, though.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Crucifixion by Eric Drooker

I promise I'm not a morbid person. I don't normally meditate on such morose, macabre things (see Good Friday post). But last night at the women's Bible study I attend, we sat with this picture for a few minutes, letting it seep into our thoughts and hearts. It's so powerful, and I wanted to share.

(You can find more of the artist's work at www.drooker.com.)

On a much lighter note, this is my first time doing this:

Thursday, April 8, 2010

April Excitement!

The three of us had a blast dying Easter eggs; it was Caleb's first time, and he loved it!

And last night, Eric gave me an early birthday present: sidewalk chalk!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Walking and Planting

Taking full advantage of the nicer weather this morning (which has since deteriorated back into clouds and near rain), my grandma and I took a walk around out neighborhood.

Mom started this a couple months ago, suggesting that she, Grandma, my sister and her sons, and Caleb and I walk together twice a week. Mom, Grandma, and I have been faithful, my sister has joined us only once. However, two weeks ago, Mom was hired (!!!) doing a familiar job. So now it's back down to Grandma and I. I'm loving it. It's exciting to have that time with her; we've never had that before. I'm loving getting to know her as a person, someone other than "the mystical entity that is Grandma." Very exciting.

Then right after I put Caleb down for his nap, I quickly planted my newest plants: a fern, a forsythia, and some flowers that look like poppies but aren't (and I can't remember their name right now). It felt good to dig in the earth, until I chopped an earthworm in two; I did a little freak-out dance and stifled my gag reflex. I have to remind myself to be thankful for the worms; worms are my plants' friends. It's a constant learning process.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Good Friday

Every year Good Friday becomes an increasingly difficult day for me.
This year, the sky is dark, and it is windy and steadily raining. Fitting weather for such a somber day.

It's hard for me to hold in my head the gravity of today. The depth of sorrow and pain, is hard to stomach. I try to hold onto the image of my Jesus on the cross, broken and scourged in the worst imaginable ways. I try to hold onto him and honor him, but it's a fight to keep my mind in that space. It is so dark, so hopeless, so full of guilt, I subconsciously push it away.

But today is the day I need to be in that dark place. To remember the immense sacrifice. To remember that Jesus endured the darkness of Hell (God shut him out and turned away) so I wouldn't have to bear that eternal rejection of the Father.

It's too big for me to grasp, really. I am so small, so wretched, so undeserving, and yet Jesus loves me. It sounds trite and overstated, but I know no other way.

It seems so easy to tune out these thoughts, move on to happier things, but I'm trying not to. I'm trying. Because today my Savior dies, and will be buried, and the world will be bleak and dark and empty because I am nothing without him. But on Sunday his tomb will be empty, and he will have conquered even death.

Amazing love. Amazing grace.
I can only be thankful and full of awe.

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